why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
