quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
