Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
