the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My liver just had a heart attack.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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