sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
