so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
