Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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