just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just invented taco cereal.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
