This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
