OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
