he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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