I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
