Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
