Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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