no, he came in my armpit
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
