Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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