the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
