hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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