You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
