Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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