he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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