I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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