you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
