boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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