I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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