worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
