for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
