Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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