How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
