for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
