I hate your face
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
