We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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