Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
