What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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