I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
