I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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