Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
