I think I died a long time ago.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
