hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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