I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
