I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My pussy is not your playground.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
