Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
