It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
