in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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