You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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