Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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