i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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