So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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