We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
there is glitter all over my balls
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
