I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
