and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
