I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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