I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
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and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
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The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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