the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
