Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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