At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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