dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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