i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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