i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
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After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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