The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Do you still have your period?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
