My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
