Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
