yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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