I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
