What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
