Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
