both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
