fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
