There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
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I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
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I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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