I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
