hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
