Sponge bath it is.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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