i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
