i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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