well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
