Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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