I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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