Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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