I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
