You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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