you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
